So friday i will bring all the drawings i did for my comics to school to scan them because there is a good machine and i have to go there anyway for seing Caroline. I think tomorrow it will be a rush day yeay An other list :
I have to make the map (that's the main thing)
A good plan for chap 1 and 2
Background of each pages ?
Explain how to do it
I need to have a pocket agenda

Ok, To do list will saved me:
Make agenda DIT IT SIS yeay
Respond to your friends texts (you love them why is it so hard? write about it): i'm doing iiiit, it tookme less than 10 minutes and i waited for 2 weeks that's not cool
Make your websites
focuuuuuuus my main focus now is MY COMICS OK LOU YOUR COMICS

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘
An other vent : my body is muttating by testosterone. I never have a lot of pimples but when i'm on testosterone is so horrible. My skin is becoming less soft and greassy. My voice is cracked. And i stink. I eat a looooot. The first time i was on it, i gained so much. I'm a bit scared but it's ok, everything it's ok. I'm so scared.
Need to take a shower, i can't organise myself. Everything is so overwelming.
I'm so scared to become like my dad oh gosh because he's like that; very controlling and can't stand other people that he can't have power on them. I don't want power, i just want to be happy with other nice people and be soft and strong at the same time.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘

Coming here to vent : I'm so full of stress because i have a new appointement for my social revenues and it's at 9am, i think i'm not be able to sleep, have an other this friday and one of a job recall me but i say no because it is a hard place to work with a lot of loud music and i stressed a lot on the phone and i don't know maybe i missed a opportunity. now i feel bad.
Also feel bad because one of my friend i think i can't be myself around because i have a tendacy to erase him by my knowledges who are very close to his, so i have to adjust and be more curious about how he got there or what he want to do with who he is. I'm scare about his jalousy or my jalousy, we have a lot of similarity but not in the same way. I'm more loud now so i need to be a little more distant and don't say my advices everytime. Because he's really not me. My jalousy is focused on: the beauty, the capacity of sleeping, the capacity of be able to live experience with others or be connected

The queer community is my family for sure but we have been through so much hard time, sometimes we are suffocating by our story

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘

https://kuroiru.co/collections/27706
It makes me weird to look at anime where the characters are young like....... i'm old, i'm feeling like a pervert, or is it just me overthinking ? Nothing is wrong in the story, but the story between the creation and me is a bit strange. Maybe i'm not the good audience anymore? This feeling of "putting things behind because i'm an adult" is new to me so i continue to figure how to manage with it. I talked about that with my therapist and she said that i do nothing nasty so it's ok.
Sometimes i'm woried about beeing perceive as this creepy otaku man who likes anime little girl for not good reason. Maybe I should put aside my love for Sakura (never i grow up with her). Something childish you discovert as a kid allows you more to like it when you are older?

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘

Liz and the bluebird was so good !! I really love how slow it was. The question of dependance in the relationship and how they talk to their others friends to understand each other. The music parts were beautifull and the animation is so smooth, yummy.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘

did severals panik attack today, need to chill
have to fight le cycle de la violence
l'art de la joie

update : was my periods yeay (19)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘

want to add some calligraphy with my name on it because everyone is doing an amazing job ;; lock one hour in that and choose the better one (+ stop eating frenchfries Lou that not good for your belly)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎

Saw my therapist yesterday, she keeps repeat me how far i've come, it's great to feel seen. I have a lot to do, i'm just hiding in bedroom (the smell will never go, i just have to be used to it, i think is the house perfum)
i'm going insane need to go out

edit: i did 2 hours walk, crossed people i know, say hello to mum and sold shoes.
i said i will not update everyday and didn't respect it ono today was hard, the voices in my head are so loud and terrible, i'm so scared to become a monster and feeling so sorry to be alive

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘

Thinking about having a flip phone again, my mental health is not good

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘

New Cavetown albuuuuuuuuuuuum (it doesn't have to be so hard)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘
I'm so sad that my eyes are litterally burning when i'm a bit to much on the computer ;;
(one of my big project is on it lol i'm dumb) did a pretty make up today and dying hair's friends cutcut

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎

https://stupied.neocities.org/outlinks/#literalhat

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎

There is a colleration between acidity in the body and stress, not everything is about the diet or personnal responsability. Be surronded by old women is super cool but they are very self destructive and a lot of compliments are about beauty. My grand ma is proud of me because i stoped smoking and she said that's important to keep "un capital beauté". Her friend said me that is a big luck that i have small feet because it's gracile. I'm pissed by ped0phile beauty constructs. I can't take compliments like that, they are like small agressions. It was so nice of course but i had to vent about this details who take a lot of place. Love her so much but i know that i can't discuss about everything (and it's nice to not be in judgement everytime and i know that we have to resituate everything, she's very ok and it's a privilege to have a well being grand ma)
I feel that there is a background thought that i'm lucky to be tolerate (as a trans person for example). But tolerance can be rejection.
I'm very lucky to have her and i know that she's safe and in a good place. I'm going to visite her more and more, she asked me. And i will!

Elder are very in that :
Amatonormativité
C’est l’injonction, la norme systémique selon laquelle il serait préférable d’être dans une relation romantique où il est considéré que c’est un but en soi. From LeyCab

https://everydayfeminism.com/2013/04/not-giving-a-shit/
I have to say "je m'en fous" but sometime that's hard to not sound impolite

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁

Website i found cool! :
https://jdan.github.io/98.css/#intro
https://angs-corner.nekoweb.org/
https://sheep.nekoweb.org/index.html
https://exclave.city/# REFERENCE for the mappp

https://www.greyismanga.com/
https://jargoncombatif.be/index.php

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁

We are the 7th !!! I did nothing on my computer unless write for my school essays (that's take a lot of time) and my website is not growing very much (it's really like a blooming flower but never really died, just stagnation) my plants irl are not very happy about the moving out and in :c
I went to the doctors and the dentist, i think is a very good start for a new year. I want to dress myself better, want to found a style that fits me and good balance, serenity and pratice my art and writings.
My friends are around me but sometimes i don't feel a good connection, it's not them or i, just my brain is somewhere else and i just want to be very anchor so i make big effort to see everything. Feel everything at the time. I have to make selection for my sanity.

My exams don't go very well. It's like i can't accord them the time it takes.

Feel that i overshare about subject that the person didn't want to hear about (as video games)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖

I think this mounth i will make just sort of updates but not daily, like every ten days? Focus on other parts of the website. Just to see how it goes :))

.𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖

Heyooo 2026
Happy New Year !! I hope a better world with no more faf and an happy sleepy year to all of my friends and myself !!!