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Want to take the time to go to a piercings shop for my mouth piercings just to see what they have

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Very sensitive tonight yoooooo
Someone asked me why i don't sign my drawings. maybe it could be cool now that i have a website!!

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I heard theirs voices in my head. When i read the writings of my friends i hear theirs voices. It's so beautiful. They're just near me. I almost can feel them if i look to photos or when i just want to (even if i don't want). it's magical. A dianosys i had when i was a kid and a teenager was about that. A very big imagination (don't have the world in english). I see how they moov theirs eyes, theirs laughings, how they smell. I imagine my friends not my demons (because ofc it's horrible sometimes), let them be replaced by happiness and beautiful souls.
Some call that "hyperviligence" (as i can also do) caused by trauma. I know it is but i like to believe in magic or just specific abilities. Scientific and psychological studies are a little amount of all the things that exist in our world, minds, bodies and soul. They are just very valuable by the society (and mysoginist/patriarcal, some people say to kids that "they have a lot of imagination" just to discrease theirs words. That theirs feelings are not real. Imagination is real. Invisible is real. The tangible world is just a tiny part of the reality)

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belly hurts again

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My teachers talk to me about my "unfinished look" that my site gave and i see it when i look at other sites where everythings is personnal. I kinda like the white background, the feeling of simplicity but with a personnal touch, i'm kinda attached to the basic font huhu. Maybe i can ask for advices to friends about it

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https://philia995.neocities.org/ so beautiful ;-;
https://her-letters.neocities.org/archive/halcalic-v2
https://cloverlover.neocities.org/

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I have some issues with my drawings classification. I already emptied a big box today (yeay!!! proud) but there is 2 others oyo Malo said to me why don't you put your drawings on the wall? he propose me also to class them all in big fards and hide them beside my clothes as he's doing in his bedroom aha (his bedroom is a temple of beauty and sweetness i swear this person has a really good visualization of space and there is something light in his decoration beside the fact there is a lot of little things, trickets, souvenirs) yosh courage Lou, you can do it. Your brain is fonctionnal and knows where to put things !

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i'm in the parc, listening to mat vocals, it's so hearthwarming. she really has good words (she works in a radio) for express herself; my vocals beside are terrible ahahah but she likes them, it's a good excercice for clarity. I talk and listen to mat and write to envy on a bench. It could be nice to switch. Mat express to me the fact it could be nice to explore experimenting the sensory part of relationships. She said that i am very very mental and analytic (in a good way from her pov, thank to her). I'm so scared but i have to jump in this part with a lot of courage. Sable hugs me time to time, envy also 2 times, sometime Malo and iano touch my hands. Mat is very tactile and Wendy also. I don't know about myself.
Think about that brings tears to my eyes so i think i'm not ready, but maybe there is just something to heal and experimenting could help me. I think i want it. But i also think too much so it erased the spontanity of desire. I read, write, listen, watch but don't really exploring.
I'm thinking about what blocked me and judgment is the first one who came in my mind. The fear of the after. I don't really live in the present ono https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/140534937#1
THATS SO YUMMY

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Thank you Malo for being there !!! I try my best to make his life easier at home (now he has orange hair like sakuraaaaaaa i took photos of him in the kitchen, he makes makes me think of a mix of neptune, envy and mat sometimes i think my friends are closed people, i wish we were all a group of friends, i can see how they could be friends too. i don't know how comparing is healthy but they are all connected by creativity and kindness. Make link between people is a sort of constellation. They're my constellation. We are like stars after all.)

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It's so impressive how good i am to just be in my room and doing random things in my bed (all my life is in this corner and the other part of the room is just clothes and drawings everywhere) need to make a very clear plan of the day on paper and close the infinity of internet

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i think my index page here is better this way !
(dont understand everything but think it will be cute with the decoration !! )
https://cssgridgenerator.io/ just find that on reddit huhu
it's an amazing tool my god
today is cleaning day, coding and letter! Cleaning have to be deeeeeep. I have a lot of drawings everywhere ;; Listening to theodora ~

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Happy Valentine's day !

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My belly hurts because of mean food again, my stomach is so fragile it's not normal, i need to see a doctor. My room is a mess and my skin is doing pimples??

i think about my index page of gloomythoughts that i didn't do really .,.
https://fuchi.neocities.org/ hello the beauty of this website??
https://oceanfront.neocities.org/ something square like that? the whole site is so beautiful

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friend is not good because of a love situation :c it's so complicated sometimes to be there, she needs it, try my best. She's happy with the time i gave her, i think i can't do more. Hope is gonna end up well.

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i'm alone in the class and someone play piano on the background that so epic, feel like the maincharacter ahaha (that i don't want to be obviously i have an headache and want to go home with my plushies)

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Professors really like my work hiiiii i'm saucééée (one of them love clamp and ai yazawa !!!) and a gxrl invite me to a soirée after reading my texts and tell me about blocage, just tell her that i'm tired huhu (it's true just too much energy deverse for the day and for the life oyo but queer meet eachothers by night, maybe i can have more friends?) At an other party i'm invited there is a person i can't stand :c if there is nothing this weekends is very cool for me and my work schedule. I really want to get used to socialisation but it's so hard to combine everything

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Le talu in my headphones while drawing is a blesssing, i'm laughing a lot and feel being seen (maybe for march doing a special "fanboy" theme with cavetown, letalu, petite soeur, ...) need to be surrounded by lesbienne and trans person who have a very soft aura for me, i'm tired of this world and need confort

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Feelings are always valid

Thanks to my friends for listening to me, it's so good. Now i have to focus on my cursus with a lighter mind

Need to prepare (anti?)Valentine's day
i have a little package but i don't know if i'm really ready, i don't know about all this situation, i can be chill about it, doesnt have to cancel, just see a friend that i want to know more about ! chill lou, maybe i can call Mat for her advices ! (it serve me a lot, i think i'm too stressed at the moment for being disponible)
tomorrow i have politique d'exposition at 10am the alarm clock is going to be hardd

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My make up was really good today uwu+
"Je n'existe pas/je ne suis pas là pour te rassurer" is a good phrase for talking to man or people who wants you as a therapist

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"tout ira bien" I don't really know where my therapy is going, maybe just "un suivi" ? Since i've been on since my childhood, started at 8, and raised by one/two of them (man therapist doesnt really count for me they're psychic murderers in my family), i don't really know if i'm addicted to this side of "well being" and "healing process" or if i really need it. I already know everything that she's gonna tell me but it's very conforting. She resumes all my life in a seconde, what a perfomance. It's more a sceance of reassurance "you exist, listen how i listen to you" and sociology discussion than a "finding where it comes from". She is like "you know already Lou". I'm not good atm and i succeed to tell her (it was hard). I almost strated to cry when i spoke about my mother because i know she's always right with her analysis about myself. Always been analysed. And when i spoke about my inbalance between my economical bagage and my cultural bagage. It's specific to the artists and it's kinda dysphoric. People will always assumed things about you, you always be the weirdo of someone so just perform what makes you happy

redid my portefolio page, thinking about making my sitemap better and put more drawings
after therapist focus on letters, crossed lovely Malo

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i meeeeeeeeeelt

yapiyap with my roomates !♡ today is plannification day + cleaning, i have until 3pm, next go to see my therapist everytime is just me complaining about how bad at communication and sociabilisation i am bahahha she's really helping me i think but i don't say everything because i don't know how far i can go, i think i perform a guerison succed all my exams that a confident moov that i don't give enough value
there one that i didn't understand and there is a weird PP on it (maybe i failed?) have to ask to the professor

Someone from the internet send me a beautiful message by mail, that is so heartwarming

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I think to do a cavetown theme month for march, is it too much? bahahahah being a fan is an unheathly kind of relation but i'm going to see him next mounth it's the perfect excuuuuse

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Need to answer to Mat message just write it here for a memo
Respond to Malo's letter, write one for iano also
Explain to Envy when i see them that it's hard for my brain to process when litteraly my dairy is facing me i'm like??? it's beautiful but weird at the same time i was just writing to you 2minutes ago about what happen in this moment and now i write that i see you but couldn't talk and knowing that you understand and blblblblbl i have the impression that this relation is so deep but not real ????? i'm fucking shy and overwhelmed and not brave lol i'm a loser and that's ok, we going to see how it will to be saturday, just explain Lou for your brain and tell evrything, make a list of what you have in your head and maybe give them, read together if they want?

Maybe i put to much pression on myself, some people seem so light and that's pleasant. I'm so heavy "gros sur la patate" and that's not cool for others

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i did enough that ok i wish i was better at socialisation but can't. Love your brain Lou, it s ok you can be the minimum of what you can be sometimes. I love you like that, you were very out of your confort zone ♡ Now you can relax in your bedroom with all your stuff and be tender, gentle with yourself, you did a good job. It was only 9pm and i feel like i did a big after, people went out for drinking, we were like "petite tisane à la maison" and laughing a lot; love my friend. I'm so happy to have them by my side, never lonely but not too close

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purple hair are beautiful, photo from pinterest

going to be in the reality, very hard, very anchor for testing again what it is to be a human who dosnt have an existence/exutoire on the internet but for the archive for my futurself : today was preparation day for a punk market organised by mogo, a friend of envy, you are stressed and overwelmed. you feel the tension with your friend but they seems ok and say to you that you don't have to make always the efforts on your side (because i was talking to them about a situation that i wanted to calm down so i ajusted my behavior) feel a little too much sometimes and not enough at the same time. That's always a thing aha i was working on my stickers during class, didn't listen. I have to do i big something for tuesday

i can be a oktier person, just there and fade

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Everything is ok it was just a tempete emotionnelle, don't play with competition, don't play with jalousy, don't play like them. Be generous and joyfull. What happen to me

i have to ask how to become a bookwriter maybe
put eve in my headphones at a very hard level and start to not think

tuesday i will see my therapist need to tell her that, idk how to be a human who don't crash out i'm starting to be mean because i don't know how to deal with people. how to tell them that they're bothering me without feeling like the worth person in the world. need to find words but not generics because i don.t want deshumanised anyone. and that hard. it's hard to be gentle. we downgrade kindness too much and people are faker. i hate that. "don't be fake" that's it. have to say that

i'm so miserable now i guess i'm just too stressed and have too much for me, have to know more my limits but i want to do things also gnnnn today exams, prints and going to Schaerbeek at 6pm after big sleep please lou

I continue to hate cis man (even more cis white man like ?? are they human or real hearthless monster with every thing that have to belond to them?) even if i make a lot of effort, really i do my maximum everyday and sometimes i forget, i'm gaslighting myself evry fucking minutes for being able to be a little nice with them and they are so bad, they are so not funny, violent, making people bad and this fucking world is gouverned by them for them. I don't want chaos, Lou sleep, be gentle with yourself and disconnect your brain once again but for you, for your mentalhealth

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someone talked to me about Texhnolyze from the same team of Lain I want to quite everything and write all day long a book (without a computer) or whatever. How are you supposed to survive here

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Feeling really bad, i feel bad about relations. Having relations is very complicated. Need to write about that.
I'm feeling selfish, start to hate myself, questionning everythings
I feel like i messed up somewhere, i want to scream, to cry, to run.
I'm too sensitive
I love and hate maybe too much. Having no respect for myself idk or maybe i'm too nervous, jalous, attached idk whats going on. If i quit everything and everybody what is going to happen?
too much feelings, informations contradictoires, i'm too sleepy , i pushed too much, need to rest and understand or idk i overthink it's the anxiety

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Maybe......... don't allowed pc and phones in my bedroom for //real// resting?
the world is going to fast ;-;
_
Clicks Communicator - Perfect phone !! didn't sleep well ono had a crisis didn't find my earplugs ~ have a lot to do, eat'n wash me first. I think T makes me takes belly each time and my hands are larger ?
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Delivering on its promises for calming the anxiety
Creating secure attachments
Safeplace mentale, innerspace architect

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Neptune is a real inspiration for me, when she loves someone she says so, it's easy to understand. I like clarity, how she speaks about her feelings and encourage cute people to just be themself. Maybe i can be more visibly lovely engaged in my relationships? And also with myself ? I think is a good point; thanks Neptune

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Respond to message i was overthinking; it's ok ! After seeing friends, i just need to lock in a little time to clean my personnal space instead of kitchen. Going to the parc was so healing. Thanks nature! It's maybe an idea that i can think more about her who is so inspiring. Calming.
I want to give her a forever hug

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it's so sunny outside !! sunday 08.02 walking around and letter day, try to understand conflict and say my point of view i said "moi ça me dérange" it's a victory Lou, don.t cry

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for tomorrow :https://youtu.be/2MCr1cIidm0?si=TprMWF_LzEDoCN2i
there is people who don't analyse. can i borrow your empty thoughts sometimes?
we talked a lot, a looooot, i tell some of my life, my doubts, stories, everythings fine. oversharing is a social construct
passed my day with so much people, my head is brrrrrr

I don't want to educate people, i don't want this role. but i don't know how to manage to have a conflict while avoid this "parentification" part of communication. I don't want to be right. What i want? Peace, communication, going together in the same direction that we have discuss before? It seems so obvious for me but some people see that like boring chatt. For me, you're the one bothering the all healing process. This stage of relation is the one that i have enough. But have to do with and i don't know how to manage to redo it again and again with this people.
One of my friend is really not good atm and it gives me a lot of sadness, tomorrow it will be letter time!! Today is a big today with a loooot of people to see

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The radiator of my room literally BURN my doll face and body during the night. I'm ok, that's a little dangerous yo. They're a punk and i like them so much

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Stop avoiding what you fear and pratice courage Lou.

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Sometimes i'm just too impatient and selfish. I want love, justice, equality "right now", i want "that person in my life", i want "to be understood". I don't like gossip also. "Ca ressemble fort à du bully là quand même ce que vous êtes entrain de faire" cette pensée me vient très vite. I'm boring because i'm not mean. I'm boring because i don't get the joke when is not exactly my vibe. I don't know what to talking about beside asking questions, reassurances and try to solve problems. And because can't focus on severals things. And sometimes i'm not interessed or i'm not agreed and don't tell because i don't know when is the moment for confrontations. And all of that, now that i'm reading it the next day, seem to me as a justification for not being brave.

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we found a monokuma hat with my friends !!

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My mum is amazing
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write about my attention seeker side that destroy my relation with others and myself
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i really needed a calm moment and pull off my binder. i need to take a moment to write to rosa why i don.t talk about the love (romantic) side of my life. and explain to doudou that i don't want so much physical touch
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teachers said to me to change the typo for something more personnal and i discover something wrong on my project page
nice reference https://syllabus.pirate.care/
did hair cut + henne (05.02) put a binder on

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There is a place where they sell tea and want students. Maybe i can go there. But i know that the look will not pass the vibe. I like tea, it could be very nice. I can go there and if they gave me weird looks i can ask if it is the piercings, just for clarity.

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my belly pain is over the moon

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I cried when i heard aoba start playing guitare, i think i'm a little sensitive today. I have my classic guitare at home now i can restart my relation with music. It was so important to me.
I'm going to see Cavetown in concert next month. I can't believe it.

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Didn't have it and didn't want it enough: i think i'm not build for eureka. I'm not enough competitive, loud, social and sound resistant. And i don't have "the thing" they have. Also i don't drink coffee or alcohol so... i can't serve that if i don't know, it's a huge world. Even food, i think i don't know enough about the ingredients, sauce, mixing, all the "food culture". I don't have "l'amour de la bonne bouffe". iano prepare me a meal and that is "l'amour" for me. They cook very well !!! and it's always vegan ♡

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Since i'm going to the centrum i can go to aromazone for my orange henné !! My cavetown cosplay will be on point

i sleeeept, now i must preparing myself, i have 2 hours to wake me up for working at 11am. i think is good. like a normal person !!
_

riot gxrl archives are so precious miam

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I'm thinking about how i express myself in eglish. Because i am limited is it a good representation of myself? I like the fact that is not true, is not perfect as we tend to try to be in our native language. So maybe it's more closed to the one i'm really and how i perceive people

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I was exhausted of being in this cave for 6hours i think gosh, i canceled the concert of tonight because i work tomorrow morning at a new place, feel a little embarassed, i draw butches; it was beautifull and so fun ! Now i have belly pain because i ate a mandarine :c say randomly to a cool person in the street that their style is gorgeous make me so happy, kindness is my anti depression pills hihi

that was very stress relief to write all of this miam an other thing: exerce myself to say goodbye to objects and old clothes. really need to rid off of accumulation

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Eat to much and to late yesterday, i have to build a healthy relation with food. anorexia/boulimia is knocking at my mind's door time to time. i can say no, i can not eat if i want or don't need it. I don't even know really when i'm hungry or not. I can take time to eat, to chose what to eat for my health and my money without being in the control ( i think i do the opposite sometime just to proove me that i'm not in a diet or to "be part of the good mood with everyone")
And at the same time i think that the "prison of anorexia" is someting to discuss because psychology was build by man (who take everything to women as usually), and this prison is in our dominate minds. It's a liar/it doesn't exist/was clearly made up by theorician man who want more power on the women or minorities. This prison is a place where you build auto destruction very easily. The best moov i think is to educate you to be gentle to yourself. I learn, i try but oh gosh what a very hard exercice in a society that doesn't help. I'm lucky to have friends, i'm not alone against the world as they want us to think. Please Lou, don't crash out
_
Didn't go to a class that i love because of too much i'm sad i reavalue all my life aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah it's sunny. My friend is at the hospital, my mum is overwelmed by my stuff at her house and i do want i can with the time i have (not much); have a new job tomorrow, have to prepare a market and follow all the cursus, write my mémoire là, there is birthday and people to see, mail to write, message to respond. Food to digerate and a lot of information... "Ne justifie pas ta violence par ton trouble"
there is a person that i can't tolerate around me and have to do with; have to talk about that. i don.t like their odour, presence, voice but i think that's my angryness who talk just because i don.t like them. and politess is a bourgeoisie strategie to avoid conflict. They use it a lot i hate the "how you doing" without interess; is horrible for me. Hate superficiality. I don't care about your life at this moment so i don't ask, it's logical. And i don't want you to know my life because i don't like you. But intimicy is a construct, so i don't have to be ashamed about anything. Sharing is caring. update: i just ask them to open their window for fresh air and they respond nicely "yes of course", but i don't know if this is politess also (my mind is freezing) i think i overthink once angain but in an other hand i don't want to gaslight my feelings

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'morning i'm already exhausted, too much things to do

the worst part of school is to wake up =_= and going out of the bed, snoozed my 7am alarm, it's 10am, have to be there at 12am....(i slept!)
Wish i had a Kerobero
_
I love going to school so much oh dear i'm at a place like a normal person that's inbelievable and real !!!

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Iano hairs are so beautiful !!!!
Going to do mine soon becoming a fox !

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https://cavetown.bandcamp.com/
album/running-with-scissors moooooo the layers miam i like that so much, really want to do a "style" reference page. The black part is a skirt that i cut and it makes really nice texture that makes my very hapy !

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didn.t sleep good, had the fear that my shelf fall of on me half of the night .-.

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I have a lot to do, maybe explaine my life as much here is not the best choice i can make. School starts again tomorrow, i have to focus on a lot of different things. Severals projects. need to build my digital life there https://gloums.neocities.org/

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I feel sorry to exist, want to excuse myself. Feel the acidity of stress. I don't want snif

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Dance was gooood i almost cry but didn't because of modesty. Crossed old friends of my dad; did "la bise" with her and her son; want to scrub my face very hard. Had chatychat with my friends roomates ♡ and iano gave me a shelf ! Malo told me his list of films that makes him cried. Sable went to very interessant conferences, i wanted her to explain me them very detaily. I learned a lot of things. Laura, a communicating system by radiophony. I like to listen to passionnate people and ask them every questions that pass my mind. Saw my brother and that was so cool ! Just i was triggered by how closed we were on the couch. I don't like to be touch; really that bother me sometimes. But not always, have to make a list. And think about why.

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Today is dance dance and drawiiing/penpalliiing I don't have much to tell them these previous mounths; just moving in and out, trying to find stability and incomes, html css and anxiety huhuhu it's okey i will see how it comes out. update: everytime i finished writing them a book ahahah thats insane. Need to decorate it a bit more i think. Need to write my feeling about penpalling one day; it's very specific

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I don't have my ulb cursus for second semester !! my schedule will going to be so light compares to before, what a relief it was so difficult to be everywhere (but i liked to go there! maybe i will visiting it time to time) i'm going to have more time for student job and art !

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ayo coralie is doing vloooog Eyes burning stop screens Lou

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I'm invited to a birthday party oyo i don't know the place but really like the person okok plan for my anxious little brain: ask her if i can go one time before like that is going to be a "confort place" and i'm going to be less lost; i think is a very great idea and we can draw after (drawing is the most conforting activity and being side by side on the floor) last time i went to a birthday it was not a really good social performance for me; i read all the evening in a corner. ugh (ofc the people around me are weirdos they don't judge but i think if i was a little more confortable with the place it should be better? and i will less overthink after because of shame ono) Do the wolf walk in the parc, it's full moon night !! and i crossed a cat, they were so nice and cuddly; what a blessing evening

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My drawings are always passing in the last priorities in my to do list. I have to think about that and be a little more selfish

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Being an adult is to manage factures and fail again and again; it's ok. Now focus.

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we found an arrangement for the mezzanine !!!!!!! i'm going to have a mezzanine!!!!!!!!! on the 28th !

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Please for your safety; never trust my white shelves if you enter in my bedroom. It's 30euros ikea furnitures that i buy 10years ago i don't know how they even stand up. They fall at any moment (as meeeee; i'm going to become stronger ! )

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This layer is so beautifull oh gosh so inspiring

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Since i'm an insomniac, everytime a person said to me (in a story for example) "i then i slept" i'm so cheerful ! Not everyone is receptive and so they don't understand how much they're lucky and so my enthousiasm huhu
Being a good sleeper is a privilege (have to make my privilege list (and how to not be a dominant actor) and what i considere to be an obstacle that i personnaly have to endure in this society and how i can do to feel not lonely or how to manage to live with it) ____

Jeanne is sleeping in the salon haaaanw she's so adorable; sleep is the most respectful activity in the world. Need to be quiet.

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Wifi stoped while i was coding (since i use Neocities dashboard for doing it; it's stop) => going to clean my room instead There is bright sun and blue sky, we can see the flying machines in the sky. This vieuw is beautifull to me. "Les arrières cours de Bruxelles" To do list of today:
Call ex proprio (i did something wrong with factures ono)
Call Anne
Look at cpas papers
Connect my big pc (so lazy to do that)
Build my shelves
Draw punky pieces
See if i'm going to atelier du toner with Rosa maybe? i don't think i'm going to have the time with all of that

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Hello February, i'm so in love with this theme !! Is going to be the mounth of love (as every of the year because i'm a shojo femboy) and i think that Sakura and Tomoyo illustrate that very well for me (i don't approved everything in this manga, absolutly not). It was a big part of my educationnal life and building personnality as a kid and teenager! As an adult i like to reembrace this books like a confort zone ~ where i can be "nyah" and "dokidoki" as Sakura with their feelings, i think being naive is revolutionary. Very aware and introspective as the same times; there are a lot of deep moment. (and i like the aesthetic ohhhhhgosh) I'm just a litlle sad about the unpolitical aspect of the story because there is a huge potential :c (there is a mysandre character who accuse ped0philia and domination aspects in relationships !!)