I have to work a lot before sleep pfiuuuu i have the impression i never stop but don't really work at the same time. My life is all the time so fragile. I have this impression.
it's already 8pm, chatychat with friends it was so cool, love them all. We make a hug with Sableblebleeee, she's not very good atm and Malo neither, i think we are all in a winter mood atm but we keep each others warm and cosy. We gonna make it !!
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Went to university cursus and it was so good. Talk about the algorithmics in law and how they are discriminant and how to proove it
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My proprio told me that all the people i choose were too poor. Yeay yes is iiiit, we are queer and in precarity. I was devasted, annonced it to people i like. They are very understanding ofc because we know. Now i'm not gonna choose anymore. Did a seconde annonce on not lgbtqia+ socials and have to send her the dossier before visits. Hate this industry.
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the night was not good BUT i slept a little (very weird night oh gosh, fake scenario and nightmares) i wish that what i dreamed about will happen but it takes time, energy and it's ok, maybe it's not and it's ok too, my life is so good but unsure at the same time. I romantise maybe to much but i have the impression that i really don't do it compares to others. I think i don't understand things and too well at the same time. I have a big crush on someone and i have to speak about it more. Just because i think it's healthy to speak. It's not a shame to be in love. It's so so hard for me to express my feelings gosh. Reaaaaaally have to figure it out. Because i'm gonna explose ahaha
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Respond to everyone yeay so tomorrow i'm going to scan my drawings at arg and after i go to ulb for law cursus and call proprio and draw
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my proprio wants to call me tomorrow at 5 ono it's like i've made a mistake
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef3_8MVSePY she's such a part of me
MarySunray is making a video a day in decemberrrr i grow up with her, she's putting Undertale songs at anytime she can and i love her dedication !! We are really not in the same mood and she's not engaged at all, not queer, not very aware, not not not but she is alive and i'm happy to see her time to time
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have a loooot of anxiety every time i have 2 minutes of reflection yeay my skin is so so etchy, don't think Lou everything is okey now
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just have reminiscence of the day and i think that when i didn't sleep i'm like drunky, very talky and social idk and now i come trough back and cringe about myself of oversharing ono
went home for sleep at 6pm, fall of heavyness of my dead body with a pure bliss. Fall asleep as in a infinite cushion. Open my eyes and see 7pm. My body. just sleep. one hour. after a sleepless night ahahaha wth
was laughing at that, make a dinner and i saw that lilhoneybear had post a new video what a lovely evening ‹𝟹
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my life is so good aaaaaah thank you all people around me, i'm so lucky !!
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i'm actually quite productive, very very slow but it's ok, all my body hurts, hope i will sleep next night, have to tenir le coup. I've make a page where i just put images i like and don't want to forget, that's so cool, look like my wall when i was a teenager :))
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hiiii a super styly person follows me on neocities, thats so cool, my first one !!
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text my therapist because i'm in crisis for too long now and it's exhausting, makes me fear
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1y_uF1SeYw want to be this cat with a piano playing and no voices in the head
thinking about redoing classic guitare
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not zzzz att all, it's going to be a ruff day, sleepless night oh myyyy the worst feeling. i will do my best. Just pretend to be a very morning person who eat their breakfast at 5am
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Need to see mum once a week because it's really important, have to make much more efforts
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sobbing because i don't understand how to do what i want to make in coding, it was fun, now it's so complicated , ça m'a saoulé
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mum ask to me to come gogogogogooo i'm going to work at her place if i can after helping her, maybe i can take shoes in photo
ok so to do list of the day, did already really great: go to ce, speak with Sable and Ambre, make my website with the good advices, need to do column, cyber i make the package for Andrea, now go to the point de dépot, can be a good pause take some air.
waking up at 12am agaaaaaaaain
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When i love someone it's ok to say it, i can make compliments and be enjoyed by others, it's okkkkkkk i'm not in the cage i used to be!
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I really like Isa and Vizette, we had so lovely chattings, just focus on them. He's just in the paysage
it just activate to much things in my head.i'm in the present don't let the past invade you
today i was a petit fantome of myself, i yaped a lot. I have to say to people that i don't know very much more than them and they teach me a lot, don't forget that. And also there was a cisman and i forgot everytime how they explain to you the things you obviously already know. Sometime i'm just speechless and the gaselight alien me, i'm used to it and i don't have to. It's break my head aftershot because i'm like "wait a minute" ..... it's happening ! want to scream to him when i realise. They are very nice and cute, it was a good moment and i'm happy to be able to do socialisation. just there is a man (also he's white and from a rich family). I can't. And the fact that i became on other person by doing a lot of efforts to just try to transform him into a possibility of "ok you can do it Lou", aaaaah exausted don't invite me when there is cisman i'm just not going to be good with myself and others. i try very hard i promise. i want to educate myself to just be able to be in their space without péter un cable
looking to my agenda and i already know that club textile is dead for me, so sad snifou
tonight is crepes party yeay, i'm like a dead marionette with two strings fufu found dino and unicorn stickers i will share with them all
Everything is going to be great, didn't go to school but found a baguette at 1euro and eat it with vegan nuggets, healthy isn't it?
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The voices in my head are so loud today it's horrible
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insomnia hits hard, didn't sleep until 7am, canceled evrything and wake up at 12am
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https://youtu.be/jm_d3xKJJMc?si=qHGtL2rcvz6lj0R3
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for cours de droit i think i will do an essay about consentement,inceste et patriarcat in jurisprudence because there was a chapter about that in the cursus and i will take Manon Garcia as a ref and it's always a good choice to take someone you fell something, for racisme et anti racisme i will do an essay about les amalgames antisémite and genocide, l'etoile de david comme nouvelle croix gammée là, surely that Tal Madesta had something to say about that, pour politique d'exposition vandalisme queer et l'entraienemnt à la désobéissance with morgaaaaane i write as a reminder before sleep (i hope)
really need the advices of Sable huhu for the "layers (?)" of my site, i think there is some fantomes (? exemple when i click on the youtube player, it clicks on the notes) and also about webdavs
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Have my subbbbbbbb yeay i can make a mp3 playlist !!! and mp4 of what i want idkkkk maybe animation ???
Have 2 websites !! Now i can make a new personnal opening page !!!
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Go out for a walk. Being a vandal is really like being batman without the money
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I love Manon Garcia so much, found her years ago when she talked about politic identities and had to write her words deep inside of me. Love this new book of course.
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Tired of cryiiiiing
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbeoyjB2pjQ i think it's time to watch that~~
it's horrible for me to listen to people i have the same diagnosic because i relate to much to a lot but it's good, need to listen to things where i'm involved. Doesn't have to be scare to know, it's ok.
Need to write everything she said ahah i used to listen to her before, maybe i can continue now, don't know why i stoped. (edit: i think it was because i was tired of introspection and psycho treatment/diag (hate the bipolaire/borderline a therapist told me when i was only an abused teenager), just wanna have fun but i just returned to old schema. It's hard but it's good this time. Inspire, expire, everything is going to be ok)
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Checkkkkk list of today gogogo
Respond to messages (did it ! not everyone but the most urgent and send one very important about the mooving out)
Mail (aide sociale paper)
Clean my basement (kitchen and bathroom first, cheeeeck, everything is cleaned, hands hurt huhu)
Go for a long walk, to a parc or just a ride
Trash out
Need to draw but oyo times flies
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i think i recreate a tropical ambiance for my plant, love them so much but i think it's give my place a heavy air
took ricecakes with dark chocolate, chips, green tea and apples.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qu63VIeVXiU
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Maybe i have to figure it out where i am in the aroace spectrum because i am not sure how to speak about that without give a bunch of informations (cause i create the thoughts while i explain something i can't really name) because giiiiirl i'm obsess and i don't like that. I just think that we mix so much obsession and love, i can't understand wich one is romantism and sexuality, 'cause i feel in my body so much, i just don't want to. I'm scare as hell.
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have vertiges, it's like everything is impossible
But i will go out, just for the ricecakes with darkchocolate
i want to do a tour, see people but reallyyyyy have to work and respond to admin people
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from the age of 8 my dream is to not be insomniac, i wish everyday to be able to sleep without fear it's a trap that i experiment as a fatality (but is not i have hopes !!!)
not very positive thoughts today but i'm good !!
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A_JiMKUtTI cloot cloot (we really don't have the same taste in books and i think is fun huhu i don't like Dostoïevski and she is a big fan, she discover him now so i understand, i had a thing with him at first, i just became a misandrist who can't read man)
i think i just really want to play video games
make very weird dreams atm. Like this one this night, i was at a place (don't know, it was at school i think) and there is a guy with a portable console and the new Pokemon on it, he was playing and i was so happy to see the little personnage run, command by theirs fingers on the joystick and buttons. I said "wow amazing the personnafication of the character, they have piercings and tatoos !!" he smiled, we just said good bye and after i understood that the character looked very like me
wake up at 12am is really not a life that i recommend but cloot post a video so i will figure my life in 30min
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I like person who create a space with me, like a relationship. A space where we evolve but don't fill it because there is always a place for every one.
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https://popisbubbles.neocities.org/
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22:22 !!
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Sometimes is not i don't want to talk about something but i don't know how, where to start. So i have to say that i don't know how, not i don't want or "i can't", i think is important. I have to think about how to figure it out. It's not about the person, i can speak about everything with everyone but i need to be fluid and feel how to with eachones
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https://nenrikido.neocities.org/webrings/journalring/
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went to poetesse that was so warmy and cosy
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VSeaWiMDns
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaoVpVXcZsA
I sold an antifa stickers by vinteeeeed that's amazing
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I always want to respond "handle my life together" softly when someone ask what i have done recently
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Olga showed us her gameboy and it makes me instantly want to play !!!
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Wanted to be aside to a new person who i want to know and draw with them, but at the same time having to much things to do at home on computer so i escaped.
Saw a lot of beautiful piece of numerique art today, very impressed by the genius brain of people!!
Have achieved to say calmy my limits to someone and be cheered up by my friend
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Hello, i tried to have something who can handle my life, here's my attemp.
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I have to remember that i belong to do art and steal food.
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I choose miffy as a theme of this first month because it's confort me, i used to buy stuff from this character 'cause it's easy to find in my city. I remember when it started to be sold at Hema or Zeeman, i was so so happy.
